Things that will never change is that
1. I’m a very loyal, truthworthy and faithful friend.
2. I am who I am and don’t need approval from anybody
3. A giving person
4. An honest person. I never LIE even when people can’t take the truth
5. I’m not fake and never will be.
I already hate holidays as it is because reminds me of my childhood days. The fun times when everyone was together. Break ups during Holidays were the worst ever for me!
I’m so depressed and lonely. This New Year’s Eve is gonna suck! Ill be in bed by 8 to make it feel like just another day
Thank god holidays are over after this!! Except for valentines day which doesn’t bother me anymore. Sure, I want a romantic masculine real man and would be nice but Im not desperate. If was desperate I would of looked for company while my parents got a hotel for the night. Wouldn’t be hard to find but not like that. My last ex broke up because I was more of the female in the relationship, I wouldn’t let him suck me off or fuck me. What a way to break up huh?
I’m not depressed over that just isolated and lonely. I wonder if ill ever find someone or be one of those 45 year old single guys who stay at home.
I think what’s holding me back is my self esteem that am trying to work on this new year. I will be happy when fit and able to take my shirt off during sex, in front of people, at beach, pool etc. Im very insecure and hate it. My friend says I don’t have much to lose but he’s just being nice because I do. So instead of feeling sorry for myself I’m doing something about it. I’ve always wanted to go hiking without a shirt or even swimming. This year will be the year hopefully!!
Start reading things that are more challenging for me and my brain. Things I don’t understand and have to look up.
Writing and blogging more: Finish pages on Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex as well as What Women Want: A guys guide Etc.
Take a class that interests me. Either History, English, Math or Sex Ed.
Quitting Smoking after finish withdrawals from sugar/carbs (2 weeks)
– Have Chantix
– Have Nicotine Patches
– Chewing Cinnamon sticks
– Electronic Ciggerette (just nicotine)
Work on BEST FRIENDS scrapbook: then continue to Add-On for future trips
PAGES: (will keep me busy. Takes a day to do 1 page)
La Jolla Cove
SD Trip 2014
1. My current plan is too go with Steph as a friend a few times to work out.
2. In March, get shown how to use each machine at Cris’s gym. As well as lifting. To take back home with me, get gym pass and go early at 5am when open so no ones there
3. Spend 2 hours at gym each morning since wake up early daily.
4. Have no muscle goal. Just want to look good and be fit.
5. finally be comfortable taking my shirt off for the summer at beach, pool or even for sex.
This Year going to try and avoid:
1. Waste time feeling sorry for myself
2. Get higher self-esteem
3. Don’t give away my power
– not make anyone make me feel inferior or bad
– be incontrol of my actions and emotions
4. Embrace and Welcome Change
– embrace a new challenge
5. Not waste energy on things I can’t control
– simple things like bad traffic, lost luggage, especially over people.
6. Worry about myself more
7. Avoid worrying about pleasing others
8. Not going to dwell on the past
9. Make same mistakes over and over
10. Resent other people’s success
11. Ever give up especially after any failures
12. Try not to fear alone time but accept and enjoy it.